The Burn Effect

I had the chance to go chat with a good, experienced friend this evening, Dr. Espling. Two weeks in a row. It’s a damn record. Anyways, we were talking, and as usual, I was telling him everything that Missfit and I were working on. And yeah. It’s a lot. And he reminded me of something. Back in the Fall we found ourselves sitting at a Quaker Steak in Cranberry talking about everything and he told us “Don’t burn yourself out.”

And tonight he reminded me of that.

Now, I do have a lot of stuff going on. Podcasts, websites, videos and DVDs, writing lyrics, recording. And I’ve only been able to handle about half of those tasks to any effect at a time. This on top of something of a business venture Missy is hard at work on working out (it’s almost there and I can almost talk about it). And we’re attempting to accomplish all of this on top of family obligations and emergencies, which has taken a large toll on us, in the latter recently.

The last month, maybe two, it feels like we’ve been constantly going. Lack of sleep, lack of true rest, I guess. There’s a lot going on. A lot of opportunity that is presenting itself. And I’m one to not want to pass up anything that might be interesting for the future.

See, in college, I often look back and wonder if I did enough. I toiled with my little side projects and learned what was put in front of me at good ol’ AIP. Even the job I have is due to a former friend giving me the oppurtunity and starting off as a lowly part time logger and working myself up to over three years of my career, at this point. So many things have potential future and are things I have a genuine interest in. I’ve always followed that philosophy. Doesn’t matter how much money I make so long as I enjoy doing it.

And sure, I do tend to spread myself out. Just because I can do so many varied things, doesn’t mean I should do them all right now. But one day, I won’t have the time to learn as much. To do as much and spread so many directions. I suppose I’m afraid of sticking with one path and it doesn’t work out. And that one day, I will have to pull back the reigns and concentrate on the family and not be ready for it. I’ve tried organizing it all. I’ve tried delegating portions to pull back on my responsibilities. But its hard to depend on people. And many often fail me. I’ve developed a large problem in turning portions of my work over for others. It never fails that I have to chase them to get things done, and they go away.

A good person I met last year that goes by “DaButtonPusha” here in Pittsburgh keeps talking about being the “constant grinder” and pushing hard for this stuff. I believe and am passionate about quite a few things, and this is something in the back of my head as I keep fighting and pushing. And then some outside negative influences have increasingly been pushing back at the things I have worked hard at for years. But it’s only made me stronger and more determined to make all of this work. And the constant support from some friends, and strangers, the numbers on the podcasts, the people buying our CD on itunes, have all helped to show there’s something going on here and I can’t quit. The day I quit, it might all fade away and never come back.

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