Sorg vs the Yard: Part 1

So, I’ve never been much of a nature guy. I cut the grass at home on our acre or so of land as I grew up. But that was a riding lawnmower. And there wasn’t much else for landscaping going on. You mowed the walkable, wide open areas, and that was a bout it.

Now that I’ve owned a house, I’m finding that I may have done more work for my couple hundred square foot lot than I ever did back home. But I’ve learned a few things…

  • My hands are too big for standard gloves. Wal-Mart doesn’t carry things for big people. Give up. Go to Lowes, maybe. Or a real hardware store. Might be better there.
  • Go Amish. My push lawnmower crapped out last year. The cord broke, to be exact. So we decided, instead of maintaining this thing, and paying for the gas (not much, but another cost), so we bought a manual mower. And let me tell you, that works wonders for building in a work out every week. Just don’t let your grass get too high.
  • Clippers are my friend. The bushes started getting out of hand. It was clipper time. I bought the standard clippers and get Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake on the bushes. Oh yeah…
  • If you stab me, I will cut you. There were two bushes that bookended the gate entrance. They started getting bigger. Then they started snagging on my clothes. They turned red. As of this weekend, I no longer have two bushes bookending my gate entrance….
  • Yard ponds are death traps….to birds and chipmunks. I have no remedy for this yet…..
  • Nature is a force, and she will take over… You know how we see in movies like I Am Legend how nature will take over our world if left alone? That’s what happens when I ignore the empty lot next to my house for too long. I have vines creeping up the side of the house, trees threatening to invate my porch. I actually discovered that the offending tree seems to have almost completely died under the weight of the vine that is growing over it! The back of my house, where my yard is terraced out, the plants have started to poor over the back fence.
  • I think there’s a hobbit hole in my backyard. Earlier in the season, as I assessed what work needed done, I ventured under that terrace and thought I saw a small hole that a little man could live in. I will invistigate further…

In the end…I think I found my answer….

I call it the Skynet Lawn Service….

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